A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
