My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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