where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
