PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
