The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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