69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
