Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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