just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
