Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
