He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
