I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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