My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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