Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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