I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
