I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
