I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
