Can i not drive my cunt home
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
