She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
