New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
