i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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