I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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