How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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