mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize