I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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