would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
