So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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