did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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