Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
