Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
