Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
