my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
