i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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