You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
