Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing