They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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