You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Randomize
