Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom