Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
He uses pillows to masturbate.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation