The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.