You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
