Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

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  (253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca
  Replies (71) Good night (5629) Bad night (593)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out

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  (440): planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out http://tfl.nu/zgao
  Replies (22) Good night (1636) Bad night (3516)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?

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  (770): if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay? http://tfl.nu/7tcb
  Replies (53) Good night (1228) Bad night (12439)
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  (961): View more from

  I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

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  (961): I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit http://tfl.nu/r0do
  Replies (28) Good night (7659) Bad night (1667)
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  (714): View more from California

  We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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  (714): We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her http://tfl.nu/ekrz
  Replies (72) Good night (2159) Bad night (11409)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.

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  (606): Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes. http://tfl.nu/z8mg
  Replies (23) Good night (3609) Bad night (2071)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'

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  (630): I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..' http://tfl.nu/mj73
  Replies (6) Good night (2906) Bad night (778)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy

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  (702): You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy http://tfl.nu/41n6
  Replies (11) Good night (4034) Bad night (872)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

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  (248): Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.'' http://tfl.nu/51jx
  Replies (11) Good night (6523) Bad night (2007)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  oh my god i'm in a crawl space

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  (715): oh my god i'm in a crawl space http://tfl.nu/mjlz
  Replies (16) Good night (2723) Bad night (1328)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.

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  (636): It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked. http://tfl.nu/8md6
  Replies (15) Good night (1231) Bad night (529)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man

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  (914): Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man http://tfl.nu/0gs2
  Replies (7) Good night (1773) Bad night (524)
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  (818): View more from California

  The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.

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  (818): The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it. http://tfl.nu/rmr6
  Replies (6) Good night (492) Bad night (1474)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.

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  (845): Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you. http://tfl.nu/0isx
  Replies (4) Good night (332) Bad night (796)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.

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  (954): i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors. http://tfl.nu/iyus
  Replies (4) Good night (646) Bad night (233)

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