Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
