You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just had sex bonerless
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
