everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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