Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
