I'm going to jail i love you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
