Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
