i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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