Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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