you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
