weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize