people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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