yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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