i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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