My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
