I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
