i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Never underestimate the power of titties
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