We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
