the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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