rhymes with "ouble enetration"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
