she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize