two words...techno handjob
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
