it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
