Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
