those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
