I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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