I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
