Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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