Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
