I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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