When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
