thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
