if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
