I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
