I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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