My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
