The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
