i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
