Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
