We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
