sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize