all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
