I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
