I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
