marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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