im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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