you guys were way drunker than both of me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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