Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
