So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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