dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes