tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again