Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.