yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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