your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
